Job Hunt & Emotional Turmoil - rant

It's been four months since the official announcement of those who passed the licensure examination. I started looking for a job the moment I got my license, which was two months ago. It feels like years had passed since then. I've received a lot of interview invitations from different companies but I did not get any from hospitals that were hiring during the time. Of course, I also applied in PGH but theirs is just for manpower pooling so even if I pass everything, I wouldn't get hired right away.

The search is really frustrating. I see some of my batchmates who are already working. I do not want to be boastful here but our performances in the board exam wasn't even the same. I was nearly questioned fate. Moreover, I nearly questioned myself. I know there are a lot of opportunities out there but I really want to get into a hospital. Any hospital will do as long as I get to do what I studied my life off. Last month was supposed to be the last month that I look for a hospital job. My dad and I agreed that I would apply as a trainee to a nearby hospital if I didn't get any offers by then. Only two of my applications seemed to have moved a bit forward. One was from OM and the other PGH. No guarantee of being hired...this depresses me.

This text must contain a lot of mumbo jumbo and does not really have a smooth flow. Well, what I am now is an emotional mess. I'm in my moon blood, papers are being rushed, my brother pissing me off with his mood swings mostly aimed at me, my cousin being a brat, needing money, not eating as much, jobless, peers drifting off into their own worlds, my life sucks.

The only thing I appreciate right now is the fan book my aunt gave me. It gives me comfort and even if just temporarily, it washes away all of these unnecessary thought.

Yes, I am escaping. It's like a defense mechanism for me not to revert the way I was, using pain to feel the warmth of life, smiling outside and crying inside.


//rant