Stress must be piling up

Recently,  a lot of things are coming in to my mind. Sometimes it's related to my studies, other times to my social needs. 

Let me just rant again here in a world where I can just bare my feelings and shout them out loud without being mindful of how people would think. 

As I type using my phone, these are what's going through my head:

• Why in the world is my self-esteem this low? I've been really insecure the past days. I see how better my classmates are in our review but I am not satisfied with how I'm doing. I see how my friends are growing up and startrting to become adults but here I am, still shut-in in the comforts of my own world. I see how some of them are entering phases appropriate for our development but here I am, still a kid refusing to grow up. I am going to be responsible for someone's life soon so how can I act and feel like this?
• Am I really feeling the weight of the career I chose? I still couldn't give up my addictions...anime. Some may view it childish but for some reason, I can't stop. It's become an opioid for me. I need to focus. I need to concentrate. I just can't get by without even a single episode in a day.
• Why am I burdened with so many skin problems and not enough financial capacity to seek treatment. I had a major breakout of acne when I started reviewing. It's probably one of the contributing factors for my first problem. I hate it when people point it out...It's obvious that I am aware of my condition better than anyone. I need treatment but cannot afford one.
• Is it just me or whenever I try to befriend others, they just toss me aside when more of my other friends comes into the scene? I have joined and even founded some groups but I always end up being the odd one out. A situation like this was when I introduced a friend to a certain group and she ended up being called for more, beung sought out more, invited  more, and they even spend more time together. This is not limited to one friend...there was a lot of them. Am I really that hard to be friends with?

Well, my eyes are giving up on me, as well as my phone. Just understand these outburst of random thoughts since I can't really express them in person...maybe someday I will be able to...