Mom's Independence Day

June 12, 2006, there was no class. I was in 2nd year high school and for the me that time, the school year had just begun. I spent the day enjoying my hobbies, working on my homework, you know the usual stuff. My uncle and grandmother from my mom's side visited us from Canada a month before and was nearing their departure.

My mother had been hospitalized a few days before because her symptoms have been worsening. She had breast cancer and it already metastasized to her lungs and bones, meaning it already spread to other organs. We paid her a visit some while back but as she had told us before she became ill, she did not want us missing out on our studies if ever something happens to her. My brothers and I were attending school just like normal, not letting our classmates, teachers, and even friends know of our family situation. That was until that evening.

 I've never stayed up late for unnecessary things before I entered college so I was in bed at 8pm. I was about to enter dreamland when I was woken up quite aggressively by my eldest brother. I had heard some noises but I was reluctant to wake up. I wanted to be in my dreamland. Again, I was shaken this time with a stern command. When I opened my eyes, I saw my grandmother at the head of the bed and she was holding a handkerchief over her mouth and nose. She was sobbing, her eyes were red, and her cheeks have turned red. I knew that something happened and she told me that my mom was no longer with us.

We rode a cab to the hospital. My grandmother was narrating my mom's final moments as I watch the vehicle pass through the familiar roads which oddly seemed new to me that particular evening. According to her, mom was supposedly sleeping when my dad and my uncle was about to have their dinner. They heard her make some sort of sigh and then it was followed by the machine's alarm going off. It was a cardio-pulmonary arrest. They hurried home to fetch us so that we could see, touch, speak to her one more time.

When we got to the hospital room my mom was in, I saw her lying silently or better yet peacefully. My dad urged us to come nearer and told us that that would be the last we're ever going to be able to touch her. I knew that. I needn't be told. I kissed her forehead, whispered the words "I love you" even though I knew all her senses would be gone by then. I was hoping that they would still be conveyed somehow. That time, I know I should accept things. Everyone will someday perish.

To give some time to grieve, we missed school for a week. Every night tears would stream down my face because I regretted a lot of things. I wished I never did the things I did when we fought. I wish I didn't told her things that made her sad. I wished I told her I love her more. I wished I had kissed her even when she didn't ask for it. I wished she didn't had the disease. I wished she hadn't left us. But it was already there. I had to face reality and accept it.

After a week of being absent, my friends dropped by. They saw me and brothers watching anime. I guess that was how we coped back then. Distracting ourselves, acting tough, trying to smile. I still remember that it was Naruto putting smiles on our faces. Upon witnessing this scene, my friends called me outside to talk a little. They told me that they thought I would be more depressed. Oh how they didn't know how much really. I asked how they knew. It seemed we were like celebrities at school. The whole school knew. I was just grateful for their sympathy but at that time, I knew something in me changed. It must be how I looked at the world. I still have my dad and my brothers but being the only girl in the family without my mom sucked. They didn't understand my needs and I had to deal with my problems myself. I had to adapt.

On the day of the cremation, my relatives were going on and on about how tough we were for we did not shed any tears during the ceremony. Personally, I thought I had wept out all the tears I had the days before. Every night. I just didn't want to let people know. I hated looking weak. I had to be strong to move forward.

June 12, 2014, 8 years had passed and a lot of things happened. I know I am still not over everything. I don't think I will ever be over it. I can only carry it all the way to the end until we're reunited again. As our country rejoice and celebrated this day as our independence day from the foreign oppressors, our family also remembers this day as mom's independence day. Today marks the day she was freed from all the sufferings brought about by her disease. She was released from the shackle of cancer.