Job Hunt & Emotional Turmoil - rant

It's been four months since the official announcement of those who passed the licensure examination. I started looking for a job the moment I got my license, which was two months ago. It feels like years had passed since then. I've received a lot of interview invitations from different companies but I did not get any from hospitals that were hiring during the time. Of course, I also applied in PGH but theirs is just for manpower pooling so even if I pass everything, I wouldn't get hired right away.

The search is really frustrating. I see some of my batchmates who are already working. I do not want to be boastful here but our performances in the board exam wasn't even the same. I was nearly questioned fate. Moreover, I nearly questioned myself. I know there are a lot of opportunities out there but I really want to get into a hospital. Any hospital will do as long as I get to do what I studied my life off. Last month was supposed to be the last month that I look for a hospital job. My dad and I agreed that I would apply as a trainee to a nearby hospital if I didn't get any offers by then. Only two of my applications seemed to have moved a bit forward. One was from OM and the other PGH. No guarantee of being hired...this depresses me.

This text must contain a lot of mumbo jumbo and does not really have a smooth flow. Well, what I am now is an emotional mess. I'm in my moon blood, papers are being rushed, my brother pissing me off with his mood swings mostly aimed at me, my cousin being a brat, needing money, not eating as much, jobless, peers drifting off into their own worlds, my life sucks.

The only thing I appreciate right now is the fan book my aunt gave me. It gives me comfort and even if just temporarily, it washes away all of these unnecessary thought.

Yes, I am escaping. It's like a defense mechanism for me not to revert the way I was, using pain to feel the warmth of life, smiling outside and crying inside.


//rant

It felt like a dream - Meeting Ms. Tricia Gosingtian

Yes! Finally. After eight long years of stalking following my fave blogger and photographer, I was able to meet her at last. I went to Ms. Tricia Gosingtian's book signing today at the National Bookstore, SM Mall of Asia. I gave her a drawing I did earlier in the morning and I hope that she was able to appreciate it. It was kind of made in a rush but I did my best!

I felt a lot of emotions before the event started. I almost lost my raffle stub because of being frantic. 

She gave a few words on how she came to write her book and shared a little of her background before all the fame and glamour.

I think people noticed that I was actually shivering standing next to my idol. You see, it was eight years ago when I started following Tricia online. I first became a fan of her photographs when she was still attending conventions. I even saw her on one but unfortunately I lost sight of her before I could approach. Anyway, I kept on being a stalker until she became quite famous for blogging and having a really good fashion style. I follow her DA, twitter, blog, instagram, and as much as possible I keep myself updated. I wanted to go to her book launch and first book signing event but I did not know the way so...great job me. Anyway, I prayed that someday she would hold a book signing event somewhere I know. God is good. My prayers were answered and I was rewarded with a great time.

Talking to her, I felt like I was just spouting non-sense. My mind was blown away and my tongue felt so stiff. I was stammering as I ask her to accept my drawing. It was just a chibi inspired by her that I drew and colored the morning of the same day. It was probably the best watercolored drawing I did so far after starting a few weeks back. I just hope that she liked it. I may be quite inexperienced with the medium but I really did my best! I did!

Oh. We also talked about the adhesive book cover I used to protect her book. I bought it from National Bookstore too! It's a pre-cut adhesive book cover that, personally, I think is a good alternative to the usual plastic cover. I use it to cover my important books. :)

So, I guess I'll end this here and I hope that I get the chance to interact with Ms. Tricia G. again someday.

Nostalgia: Review Days

I already passed the license examination and the next step for me is finding a job. My friends and I rarely meet up and each of us is already focused on finding employment. I just missed how we were still so carefree during our review just a few months ago.

I don't think we ever gave that 100% in studying. That left me a regret I would carry all my life. Still, I miss the times when we would go out and buy every reviewer we find just to boost our confidence that we would overcome the examination to come. Those times, we lived off fast foods, junk foods, and sweets. I don't regret that though it is now reflected in my body...lol

Well, now I guess I just have to move on and become an adult...but gaming and being an otaku will always be there. It's hard to get out of an addiction. I won't be going through rehab though! I'll just be prioritizing things a bit. So now, I guess it's time to sort my life out. Think about it real hard and go down the path I have always dreamed of.

Yes, you should JUST DO IT

I finally got finished with my cases today and I think it's worth a blog.

We've been trying to accomplish everything for almost a year now. Today is particularly eventful. First off, I went to school to pick up my remaining case forms from my classmates who got them signed. I thought I already had everything but there was one missing. We looked for it but to no avail. I decided to just reprint it and have it signed myself. As I rode a jeepney, some woman with a baby boarded the vehicle and sat near me. She was wearing a really short shorts and had a lot of lesions on her thigh up to her feet. How could anyone miss it when it's there for everyone to see? All of the people who got in after her did not want to sit beside her. I admit I am one of them and so when she kept on sliding beside me I alighted from the jeep. When I got off, I hurriedly poured what alcohol I have to my outer thigh up to my legs. My pants was soaking wet when I got on another jeep. The other passengers might have found it really weird but I wouldn't risk getting the skin problem. I mean, I already have a lot going on my skin I DO NOT WANT TO ADD ANY MORE. The first thing I did when I got home was change my pants, clean my thigh and leg which I consider to have been "in contact" with the woman's skin. I was tempted to use some antibiotics I have lying around but I decided not to.

I ate lunch before I headed out again to have my missing and reprinted case form signed again. Going to the Philippines General Hospital, the fastest way to go is to ride the LRT. That's 23php off my pocket. I arrived earlier than I had expected but it was fine since I ended up going in circles in that hospital. My classmates said that the trauma ward was ward 8 but I was certain that ward 8 was the orthopedic ward. I first looked for ward 8 and guess what? I was right. Dang it...I had to go to the other side and tried my luck at the Delivery Room. Tired of walking, I just asked some personnel inside and they directed me to ward 14a, trauma ward. Finally, I got there looking all exhausted and there were a lot of people waiting for a certain doctor. I approached the nurses' station and didn't recognize my instructor right away. She was wearing her hair differently and had her glasses on. She sounded a little irritated and told me to wait for 30 minutes. I obliged but I had to wait for an hour before she was finished with endorsement and all. I got my papers signed at half past three. Rushing, I headed for school.

Good heavens! My luck hadn't run out. I easily spotted a jeepney that would pass through my destination. I boarded the jeep and as I look out the window, I saw another "Just Do It" sign by Nike. I guess that makes it the 4th time since I started reviewing. It seems that it appears once a month as a reminder. I don't know what I shoujd "Just Do" though.

Anyway, when I got to school, there were loads of people crowding the office. I lined up my paper for our college secretary's signature. Upon getting that done, the other officials said they wouldn't be accepting anymore papers so I just went out and spotted my friends on the hallway. They were discussing some problems regarding missing case forms. I stayed and listened for a while. I was one of the victims but their case was worse. As we talk, they said that the fee had gone down and there were still some people at the office so I went to see what was going on. And...STRIKE! They were still getting papers signed. I gave them mine and waited for hours for it to get done. I was getting really impatient since I have opened lesson slots that day. I can't afford to get late and get another penalty. The remaining people there and I had to go through a lot of hurdles to get everything as fast as we can. At 6:00, we finally got hold of everything. I accompanied one of my batchmates on the way out, rode on the same vehicle, and saw her off at her stop. She wasn't really used to going home alone at night at that hour and it was already dark! I guess we owe it to the "-ber" months.

My feet almost grew wings as I hurried home. Another thanks to God, my first lesson was left opened and I still have time to close it without incurring any violation of the rules. I got to eat and rest even for a while.

So my night went as it always does, a lesson, a little read, and then sleep.

It's just that I realized that if I didn't have the patience to wait to have my missing case signed, all my case form released, and to endure the long ride home, I would still have a lot going on in my mind. I guess sometimes, especially when you're having some doubts, you should JUST DO IT!

Stress must be piling up

Recently,  a lot of things are coming in to my mind. Sometimes it's related to my studies, other times to my social needs. 

Let me just rant again here in a world where I can just bare my feelings and shout them out loud without being mindful of how people would think. 

As I type using my phone, these are what's going through my head:

• Why in the world is my self-esteem this low? I've been really insecure the past days. I see how better my classmates are in our review but I am not satisfied with how I'm doing. I see how my friends are growing up and startrting to become adults but here I am, still shut-in in the comforts of my own world. I see how some of them are entering phases appropriate for our development but here I am, still a kid refusing to grow up. I am going to be responsible for someone's life soon so how can I act and feel like this?
• Am I really feeling the weight of the career I chose? I still couldn't give up my addictions...anime. Some may view it childish but for some reason, I can't stop. It's become an opioid for me. I need to focus. I need to concentrate. I just can't get by without even a single episode in a day.
• Why am I burdened with so many skin problems and not enough financial capacity to seek treatment. I had a major breakout of acne when I started reviewing. It's probably one of the contributing factors for my first problem. I hate it when people point it out...It's obvious that I am aware of my condition better than anyone. I need treatment but cannot afford one.
• Is it just me or whenever I try to befriend others, they just toss me aside when more of my other friends comes into the scene? I have joined and even founded some groups but I always end up being the odd one out. A situation like this was when I introduced a friend to a certain group and she ended up being called for more, beung sought out more, invited  more, and they even spend more time together. This is not limited to one friend...there was a lot of them. Am I really that hard to be friends with?

Well, my eyes are giving up on me, as well as my phone. Just understand these outburst of random thoughts since I can't really express them in person...maybe someday I will be able to...